Don't Worry Be Happy (oh really...)

Life as a mother is often hectic. We worry. I think as we enter into motherhood, literally the second we hold our pink faced bundle of newborn joy we develop this extra " sense." I like to call it my Mom radar. Somehow at any given time we know our child is near. It is kind of a miracle actually. 

We can be in a huge auditorium and hear our child let out a cry, we stand up, rush out and find said child. A miracle? Maybe.  Apparently,  God decided Mom radar was something to be built into our anatomy that activates during child birth. I am half serious here friends. 

Obviously this declaration is in fun but you mothers out there know exactly what I mean. What would we do without our Mom radar?

 We need it to function, to be able to survive on three hours of sleep, to keep on top of activities, homework, running the home, planning play dates; more importantly helping our kids feel loved and nurturing their self esteem... and the list goes on.

Something I have had to learn being a special needs mom AND a typical mom is to not let the stress and worry that comes with this Mom radar overwhelm me. Because it can. Being a mother is the hardest job we wanted the most. Truly. Sometimes we can get so caught up in making sure everyone is happy, and everything is running perfectly that our own sense of well being starts to wilt. 

Raising children is fulfilling, fun, and amazing but it is also stressful, nerve racking and hard. We worry so much about the little people we are molding into functioning, well adjusted adults. Our Mom radars are on overdrive at times because we sincerely want our children to be happy.

And you know what, we are doing all right. Yes, children have minds of their own, they really do! They actually are going to make good decisions often and they are going to make mistakes too. We have to let them learn, without letting the worry of making their lives run so perfectly consume our own. You know deep down if you are a good mom. 

You try and teach your children good values and morals. You tell them daily you love them, show affection, even spoil (oh just a little) and your kids feel that love. Mothers across America are probably going to bed tonight worrying if they were good enough today, if their kids felt loved and valued, did they listen to them enough, was dinner ok, how would they accomplish their to do list tomorrow; so many sheep being counted as mothers everywhere lose sleep over their children's well being.

I am talking about myself too you know. We all do it. It is encoded in our DNA. We worry. We love. It is in our nature. But does this anxiety affect our happiness? Is there a point where we just have to trust that our parenting is paying off, that our kids are going to turn out how they are going to turn out despite how much we stress? I think at some point we have to do our best, and then just breathe. 

As I was pondering on this post the old mantra 

popped into my mind. Telling a mother, even me the biggest worrier of all, to not worry and be happy is almost laughable. How can I not worry about my kids? That is against my nature, against the laws of Mommyhood and I could "go to jail" if the other mothers knew I was adopting this policy. 

Am I telling you all to never worry about your children? No. Absolutely No. Am I saying after we have done our jobs above and beyond that we do need to relish in the moment of watching our kids live their lives happily then, Yes. 

In this case we deserve it. We work hard as moms. And we love our kids. All we want is their happiness and their success as good people, and it is ok to want that for ourselves too. 

So mothers out there, even special needs mothers like me who are pushed beyond our limits, give yourselves some credit, let your Mom radars relax a bit and be happy that we are doing all right. Ask your kids, I am sure if they knew how much you fretted over their well being they too would say " Hey Mommy...

Don't worry, be happy, cause we sure are."

- Brit

Getting Legit

Brookie the Brave is going online for reals! A new website, linked to this blog coming soon! Brookie is becoming popular, website coming soon at www.brookiethebrave.com.

Follow our adventures and have fun with us! See you soon!
Also follow Team Brookie on Pinterest under mom4jules, Instagram @mom4jules. Thanks friends!

Where do I stand?

As a woman, mother, person starting to near "middle" age (dare I utter these words) it causes me to reflect on where I stand. Where I stand in society, where I stand as a woman, a mother, a friend, a wife; all of these titles of mine define who I am, where I  "stand" in the lives of those I reach.. touch.
It is often sombering to realize that at this point I should be "all grown up now" yet sometimes I look around at my brood, my home, my crazy life and think "am I really in charge of all of this?" 

It may make you chuckle, picturing me frazzled, pouring over my endless to do lists, shuffling my girls into the mini van, chauffering them around to their various activities, school drop off, playdates, doctor's appointments, therapy sessions (for my special needs miss) etc etc that I even worry about being someone worth a special position in the world. Still, I can't help but feel as I get lost in the busy-ness of my life that I don't really know where I stand.

Today the world places less value on motherhood, let alone stay at home motherhood. Women are judged by their looks, how fit they are, what # their clothing tag says, or how put together they look when they head off to run errands for the day. Sometimes I manage to pull it off, early morning workout... check... showered, straightened hair, makeup on, cute outfit with jewelry ... check. Kids looking cute, hair combed... check. School drop off looking ready for the day instead of my pajama-fied tired version... Check. I could check off many things I manage to get done on a daily basis but do they really, truly matter? Interesting theory. 

My 8 year old looked at me yesterday morning and totally changed my outlook with 5 sweet words, " you look pretty today Mommy." Even though I had bags from pulling an all-nighter with her little sister and literally had thrown myself together, I realized where I stand with this girl. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. 

Where do I stand as a wife? Being married for almost ten years causes me to smile as I look back at all of the crazy times we have had. 3 children, 3 moves, a Bachelor's, Master's, job changes, diagnosis of our daughter's life threatening disease, family trips, milestones, memories, the list goes on. It has been eventful. So, do I look the same as we did when I got married, well not so much she is in there somewhere (ha). Do I still get to be the fun, easy going twenty-something I was when we first were together, occasionally. The enduring part of my marriage is what I am most proud of. That despite life has thrown us some hard balls, it is pretty clear when I think about it, we stand together. 

Friendships are a huge source of positivity, especially for women, mothers. Some of my greatest friends have given me the best advice, been there to laugh with me, even cry. As women it is easy to compare, feel a little less around those that might be so wonderful that they supposedly dull our sparkle. But as I write this, I chide myself, silly silly me. My grandma once told me " to have good friends you need to be one." Isn't that the truth? So, do I stand in a good place with women I value as friends? I think so. As for the insecurities I sometimes have, or the disconnect I feel at times being the "special needs mom" verses the " typical mom" it will be all right. Standing on my own is ok, but standing together with good friends at my side is far better.

I feel as I have written this post I have answered some of my own questions. Life has a way of doing that for you. We all have images of ourselves, positive and negative. It is easy to forget how important our own individual roles are to the little people, spouses, friends, peers that we love. 

I may not be the most put together mother at school pick up, or an accomplished professional, an amazing chef or a natural size 2, but I do have value, we all do. 

Seeing it in my child's eyes as I transfer her from her wheelchair to my arms, I see it. Late at night when a cry comes over the baby monitor and I know my little's epilepsy has begun, I see it. She needs me. Listening to my daughter's piano piece she has practiced for weeks and is excited to show me, just Mommy, I see it. Hearing my middle's jubilant glee as I walk into the school lunch room to eat lunch with her, I see it.  When all of my children light up to see me as they rush in the door from school I see it. Even if I don't deserve such praise or admiration on my grumpier days, it is there. My value to them is real. 

 Recognizing our true value, where we truly stand in our own little "universe" is a gift. A constant struggle and project to work on...

I am thankful for my place in my crazy, a little less glamorous world. To me it is worth standing up for...

  - Brit

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12679163/?claim=xk2sy8ce8dj">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>


Brookie The Brave and family is now part of the Bloglovin community!

Your voice becomes " their voice"

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I must sound to my kids. Am I ranting off the typical mommy isms to get them to listen ? Am I trying to be more constructive in my " scoldings" if there needs to be reprimanding? Do I leave them feeling better or do I unintentionally hurt their feelings?

As a mother of 3 little girls, there are a whole lot of emotions going on between the four of us and I really really want to make sure I am protecting those little emotional girls from my own faults as their mommy.

Honestly they are wonderful kids, we just have the usual rounds of girly, sisterly dramas that happen in families. It is normal and part if growing up. Yet as their mom I am trying to teach them how to kindly interact with others AND each other. How I sound to them has really been on my mind lately...

Am I a positive voice for good inside of their little minds? I sure hope so. Do I sometimes over react when times are stressful or I am busy and less patient? Oh yes. I think every mom can admit to this at times. But over all I want my girls to remember how much I believe in them, so as they get older and are thrown out into the real world they will " hear " Mom's voice cheering them on. 

I have been reading a great parenting book as I do the elliptical at the gym and it has definitely given me food for thought on this topic. I am only half way through so I am not an " expert " yet but I love the advice the love and logic method teaches. 

Basically we have to let our children have a choice. In life they will be faced with all kinds if situations. If we teach them at a young age that we love them but will allow them to choose, it will only benefit them in their teenage and adult years. Allowing my 7 year old to choose not to follow our house rules and leave her room a mess is her decision, but letting her know calmly the consequence will often promote the wiser choice. 

But Love and Logic teaches parents it is ok to let your child fail. If they decide for themselves not to follow a rule, letting them deal with the consequences or loss of privileges is healthy and beneficial. What a concept!? It has changed how I talk to my girls , and is helping me remember to think more clearly, speak calmly when helping them make good choices. Even when it is time to let them learn from their mistakes. Mommy doesn't always need to rush in and fix everything, I need to let them gain the confidence in themselves to make positive choices. It is really something I feel we all want as mothers, but in the heat of things or in the crazy business of life we forget. The often used phrase "You listen to mommy because I said so" could sheepishly be thrown under the rug if we ( and definitely me) take a second to be calm in those moments. 

I am excited to finish and will share more on this great book, but it has definitely motivated me improve on my mothering.

Compliment compliment compliment! You know you love it when someone praises you, clicks "like" on your Facebook post, or tells you you are good at something or look especially nice today. It is human nature, and I would go as far to say a woman's nature, to thrive from positive praise. It just makes you feel good and believe a little more in yourself. I have been making a mental note everyday to tell each of my girls something they are good at or compliment a choice they made that day. It is something we all should be doing all the time but again with life's busy schedule we often forget that these little people blossom from praise. Especially  when it comes from Mom. I have been purposely embracing this complimenting attitude lately and my girls are responding happily. Our kids WANT to be good and make wise choices when they feel LOVED. Complimenting their strengths (even when they may have been super naughty that day) has a way of building them up. As a mother of daughters I am so fervent to find ways to promote their self esteem. Why? Because they need it, we need it, and believe it or not Mom or Dad's opinion of them always matters most; even during the stubborn teenage years and they won't admit it. ( I know this from personal experience).

Another easy way to be a voice for good in our children's lives is to say " I love you" everyday and why. Duh, you would think saying " I love you" is a no brainer when you love your kids desperately and would do anything for them, but do we always remember? 

When they head out the door to school I want the last words my girls' to hear before they face the day to be " I love you" from me. It is simple, just do it. Even as they get older. Even when they may act embarrassed. As a teenager I can remember my dad always said I love you, he still does when ending conversations, hanging up the phone or saying goodbye. It was reassuring and still makes me feel good. My mom on the other hand was not one to say " I love you" so freely. She is just more private with her feelings. I certainly knew she loved me by her actions but I will say that the times she did say " I love you" out loud are times I remembered and felt especially loved. 

Say I love you everyday, ten times a day if you want. Our kids need to hear it, love to hear it, and will remember you do love them as they grow up and face life's challenges. Those three little words are so powerful. And OF COURSE you love your children!

Unfortunately, The world can be a critical world, morals are on the decline and the push for so called "perfection" is thrown in our faces constantly. I want my girls to be able to handle this world and be a force for good. I pray as I try my best to be a positive voice on their lives, they will grow up believing in themselves and knowing they are special. But I am imperfect, make mistakes and am learning along the way with them. Good thing children are so forgiving... I have A LOT to work on. 

- Brit

New School year, New Outlook

I have always loved the Back to School season, and  NOT just as a mom tired of having the kids under my feet all day. Even as a kid I loved the frenzy of back to school shopping, the crisp smell of a fresh notebook, labeling all of my pencil boxes and folders, and just the feeling of a "new" me as the school year begins. My name is no longer etched on folders or pencil boxes but I love seeing my girls get ready for back to school! This school year as a mom of 3 daughters, I am determined to instill in them the excitement I have always had, and also get them thinking on what type of person they want to become this year.

Summer calls for late nights, long days in the sun, less structure and lots of playtime. We do have reading time and chores each day but I am a lot more lax on schedules, bedtimes, and daily tasks. I can tell as summer is coming to a close because the bickering begins and the kids get antsy as they have had too much " together " time and less routine. It reminds me it is time to get back on track.

This year, we have decided to incorporate a family theme into our back to school traditions. Inspired by a good friend who does this with her family, I liked the idea of focusing on a family goal. Even something I can chidingly spout out at my kids at morning drop off or remind them as they rush off to their activities. I wanted something meaningful, yet not too serious. Something they would be able to grasp and remember and recite as our family motto. So, the past few days it has been on my mind, "What type of Miller family do we need to become?"

Every family has room for growth, things to learn and attitudes to adopt. After a summer of fun and honestly a little entitlement on my kiddos' part, I really have been on the hunt for a good motto.
Here in our community and in my social media world a lot of families are going through significant trials. Several Aicardi children have been lost over the past year, a dear friend and mother of 4 has stage 3 cancer, another close friend is having significant issues in her marital life ( sadly more than one friend is in this situation), a child of a friend died suddenly and tragically, a 2 year old in our community was recently diagnosed with leukemia and has been in the hospital for weeks.. the list goes on. All of us, everywhere we turn can find others in tough situations. It is the reality of being human and when our lives seem tough too bear, there is ALWAYS someone out there suffering more. It has been a humble lesson I have had to learn as Brooke's mother and I am glad I have. It has made me grateful for the trials I have been given.

With all of this going on, I feel my children and Ryan and I need to be reminded of the wonderful life and blessings we do have. Here are just a few of the countless blessings-

We have each other! Thank goodness for a loving God who put us together in this family to learn and love.

We have a home to live in and food to eat. No real suffering for basic needs around here.

We have family, friends, a loving community, a very real support system helping us as we raise our 3 daughters.

We have a bright faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, making life full of hope and meaning.

Ryan has a good job, with good benefits, and retirement and it is stable and steady.

We live in America and all of the freedoms and blessings it affords.

Life has adapted, even when a special needs child with very serious issues is part of the deal, we have found happiness and joy.

We are all pretty healthy, even little Brookie. Crossing my fingers, everyone is stable, healthy, happy and living a good life.

This list of recognizing our blessings could take up our entire blog, but you get the idea. We are blessed. Yet sometimes it is hard to recognize these blessings when we are busy, when we feel stressed, when some have it easier, when it seems some seem people have all the luck, when we are sleep deprived (which is all too often) , when we are focusing on things that may not be the most important priorities to focus on; our world is full of voices and distractions that detract from family life.
 So this year, with all of the trials around us and issues we are facing I feel like GRATITUDE is a value I want to instill in us and our girls.

President Thomas S. Monson said it perfectly when he said,

 

 

Done, AMEN, what more can I say? The Miller Family 2014 theme is born. First on the books, and hoping this a tradition we can keep. More on Pres. Monson's tender message can be found here- https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/an-attitude-of-gratitude?lang=eng

 

Gratitude, it seems like a no brainer! All of us need reminders to be more grateful, to give service, to recognize that we are very blessed. Always. So as we go about our lives this year I hope I can remind my girls to whine less, say thank you more, serve others, be happy with where we are now.

One goal we have is to do a monthly family service project. It may be in a bigger scale such as going to a soup kitchen or collecting toys to donate for underprivileged families, or it may be making cards for Grandma or doing a kind deed without having to be asked. I want my girls to become good, kind people. Starting now when they are little ladies seems like the best way. We are reading several books together on being a good friend, and treating others kindly. We are also focusing more on daily prayer and personal scripture study. Even Juliette and Audrey are doing daily scripture reading out of children's adapted scripture stories as part of their chores. Afterwards, we are talking about it and what they can take from each story. We may miss a day or two or 3 but having a renewed goal of becoming a better Miller person is a goal we can strive for. It can't hurt to be more focused, right?

 

So as I send my children off to school, even little Brooke, I am hoping they can remember to have gratitude in their hearts. It is a tough job being a mother, worrying about the little people you are helping to mold into great adults. Hopefully as we take time to have gratitude... I am one step closer of accomplishing the job.

 

 

 

 

With this I must state, I am SO grateful to be their mom!

 

- Brit

 



Things do work out

Life has a funny way of working out, even when you don't think it ever can...somehow it will.

 Four years ago Brookie and I attended the Aicardi Syndrome family conference. She was a baby and I was a shell shocked, newly crowned, special needs mom.  I remember walking in the conference room seeing many many Aicardi Syndrome girls, most in their wheel chairs and many having significant medical issues. I felt like grabbing my baby and hiding in my hotel room. But I toughened up, held it together and once again looked out at the sweet group of girls. There I saw strength, perseverance, happiness, innocence, and I was humbled. The rest of the weekend is a blur but I do remember the feeling of acceptance and love and relief that I wasn't alone was there. And bonus that I had fun!

Flash forward four years later and Brookie and I were able to attend the 2014 Aicardi Syndrome Conference this past weekend in Chicago. This time there was no running for the hills, breaking down or anxiety attacks. I was So happy to be reunited with those who " get me" , those who I have connected with online these past 4 years, these amazing role models who have become my friends. It was seriously awesome! 

Brookie and I jet setted to Chicago, with her nurse Tanya joining us on our adventure. We spent the weekend taking classes, reuniting with friends, making new ones, and Brookie had a ball playing in Aicardi child care with other girls like her. Her smile was infectious and she had lots of giggles and performed all weekend. Aside from a bad seizure Friday morning, this girl was ready to play. It was sweet! She knew she was among friends. 

I also was in the committee this year so it was fun and rewarding to help behind the scenes and even teach some classes. I still have to pinch myself that I was actually giving advice and answering questions. Oh how Brookie has changed me these last 4 years!

So while things aren't perfect, Aicardi  Syndrome is still a tough life at times and I still have SO much to learn, I feel like we are in a good place. And I am good with that. Life does have a way of working out, even when you least expect it. 

" Things will work out " - Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley 

- Brit

 

What a weekend, can't wait for 2016!