Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Your voice becomes " their voice"

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I must sound to my kids. Am I ranting off the typical mommy isms to get them to listen ? Am I trying to be more constructive in my " scoldings" if there needs to be reprimanding? Do I leave them feeling better or do I unintentionally hurt their feelings?

As a mother of 3 little girls, there are a whole lot of emotions going on between the four of us and I really really want to make sure I am protecting those little emotional girls from my own faults as their mommy.

Honestly they are wonderful kids, we just have the usual rounds of girly, sisterly dramas that happen in families. It is normal and part if growing up. Yet as their mom I am trying to teach them how to kindly interact with others AND each other. How I sound to them has really been on my mind lately...

Am I a positive voice for good inside of their little minds? I sure hope so. Do I sometimes over react when times are stressful or I am busy and less patient? Oh yes. I think every mom can admit to this at times. But over all I want my girls to remember how much I believe in them, so as they get older and are thrown out into the real world they will " hear " Mom's voice cheering them on. 

I have been reading a great parenting book as I do the elliptical at the gym and it has definitely given me food for thought on this topic. I am only half way through so I am not an " expert " yet but I love the advice the love and logic method teaches. 

Basically we have to let our children have a choice. In life they will be faced with all kinds if situations. If we teach them at a young age that we love them but will allow them to choose, it will only benefit them in their teenage and adult years. Allowing my 7 year old to choose not to follow our house rules and leave her room a mess is her decision, but letting her know calmly the consequence will often promote the wiser choice. 

But Love and Logic teaches parents it is ok to let your child fail. If they decide for themselves not to follow a rule, letting them deal with the consequences or loss of privileges is healthy and beneficial. What a concept!? It has changed how I talk to my girls , and is helping me remember to think more clearly, speak calmly when helping them make good choices. Even when it is time to let them learn from their mistakes. Mommy doesn't always need to rush in and fix everything, I need to let them gain the confidence in themselves to make positive choices. It is really something I feel we all want as mothers, but in the heat of things or in the crazy business of life we forget. The often used phrase "You listen to mommy because I said so" could sheepishly be thrown under the rug if we ( and definitely me) take a second to be calm in those moments. 

I am excited to finish and will share more on this great book, but it has definitely motivated me improve on my mothering.

Compliment compliment compliment! You know you love it when someone praises you, clicks "like" on your Facebook post, or tells you you are good at something or look especially nice today. It is human nature, and I would go as far to say a woman's nature, to thrive from positive praise. It just makes you feel good and believe a little more in yourself. I have been making a mental note everyday to tell each of my girls something they are good at or compliment a choice they made that day. It is something we all should be doing all the time but again with life's busy schedule we often forget that these little people blossom from praise. Especially  when it comes from Mom. I have been purposely embracing this complimenting attitude lately and my girls are responding happily. Our kids WANT to be good and make wise choices when they feel LOVED. Complimenting their strengths (even when they may have been super naughty that day) has a way of building them up. As a mother of daughters I am so fervent to find ways to promote their self esteem. Why? Because they need it, we need it, and believe it or not Mom or Dad's opinion of them always matters most; even during the stubborn teenage years and they won't admit it. ( I know this from personal experience).

Another easy way to be a voice for good in our children's lives is to say " I love you" everyday and why. Duh, you would think saying " I love you" is a no brainer when you love your kids desperately and would do anything for them, but do we always remember? 

When they head out the door to school I want the last words my girls' to hear before they face the day to be " I love you" from me. It is simple, just do it. Even as they get older. Even when they may act embarrassed. As a teenager I can remember my dad always said I love you, he still does when ending conversations, hanging up the phone or saying goodbye. It was reassuring and still makes me feel good. My mom on the other hand was not one to say " I love you" so freely. She is just more private with her feelings. I certainly knew she loved me by her actions but I will say that the times she did say " I love you" out loud are times I remembered and felt especially loved. 

Say I love you everyday, ten times a day if you want. Our kids need to hear it, love to hear it, and will remember you do love them as they grow up and face life's challenges. Those three little words are so powerful. And OF COURSE you love your children!


Unfortunately, The world can be a critical world, morals are on the decline and the push for so called "perfection" is thrown in our faces constantly. I want my girls to be able to handle this world and be a force for good. I pray as I try my best to be a positive voice on their lives, they will grow up believing in themselves and knowing they are special. But I am imperfect, make mistakes and am learning along the way with them. Good thing children are so forgiving... I have A LOT to work on. 

- Brit






56 comments:

  1. Your girls are beautiful! I try to be patient with my daughter at all times but sometimes that doesn't workout. Sounds like a great book.

    Michelle F.

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  2. You have such beautiful girls. I love that you say to say "I love you" so much. I tell my kids I love them constantly. I dread the day they are teens and don't want to hear it.

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    1. I know Stefany, life goes by way to fast!:(

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  3. You seem to have a great family around you, and I loved the way you expressed complimenting other people, it's a thing which I must do more often! A great blog post!

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    1. Thanks Haydn! I am working on it too:)

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  4. What a beautiful family! I think children deserve to be heard and should be allowed to make choices, as long as they know that there may be consequences for their actions. It is important for them to build their sense of self and helps them trust themselves and their choices as they grow.

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    1. For sure Gabby, thanks for reading!

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  5. Thank you for the beautiful reminder to say "I love you" more...I am private like your mother and say it pretty infrequently to my kids because it doesn't come naturally to me (though I certainly FEEL that love), but I need to say it more. Thank you XO

    ~ Valerie

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    1. Thanks so much for reading Valerie!

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  6. Thanks for the reminders, This summer most recently this past week or so I have been losing my patience and need to take a breath and enjoy them.

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    1. Thanks for reading Maria! And I get it , me too, we all lose our patience towards the end of summer!:)

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  7. You pointed out something that I feel I'd do when the time comes that I have my own children. While the children may deny it, they become who their parents are ( to some extent ). I recently started to find myself doing a lot of the stuff that my Mom does. It's funny because the things that I'm annoyed at when she's doing them are the same things that I'm doing.

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    1. Same here! It is so funny when I catch myself quoting my mom! Thx for reading !

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    2. They look like a happy bunch. I'm sure you are doing a great job raising them.

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  8. I'm sure each one of us has things we could improve, but we're doing the best we can! I think it's funny that my kids are now starting to quote me instead of me quoting my mom!

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    1. Oh yes, my oldest quotes me all the time. Thx for reading !

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  9. Beautiful post, and beautiful family! I can't imagine what it is like raising 3 girls!

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    1. Thanks Jenna! It can be a whole lotta drama:)

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  10. It's an interesting question I had never considered. I'm going to think twice about what I say now.

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    1. Thanks for reading! I know I am trying to think about what I say so much more lately. It is tough sometimes:)

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  11. I love love love Parenting with Love and Logic! It's a wonderful book and wonderful way of parenting. I read it when my first son was just a toddler. It really has helped me over the years.

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    1. Thanks Rochelle! Yes this book is awesome, my new parenthood bible:)

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  12. Great post!!! I have read this book a few different time during my parenting career. It was helpful each time even when I was in a different "place".

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    1. Thanks Jen! I have a feeling this book will be read many many times:)

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  13. The headline made me do a double take. A parent is by far the biggest reference in a childs life. Having this level of power can be empowering or crippling.

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  14. I will definitely look for a copy of that book. I can understand the emotions part I only have 1 daughter but we tend to argue a lot. I end up having to put my foot down most of the time.

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  15. You've raised good questions. As a child of my parents myself, I also have wondered about my voice in their minds. I do hope that it's positive.

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  16. I sometimes find my kids whining when I get exasperated. They can definitely feed off of your mood

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    1. Definitely Christie! Thx for reading!

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  17. This is such a great post. I am so lucky that both of my sons 5 and 2 say I love you to me and their dad without being prompted, it just comes out of their sweet little mouths and I guess it came from me not holding back on the "I love you's." My son is starting kindergarten his year and I hope I can fit in writing him a little note in his lunch box that will help him half way through the day at school remember that he is loved at home especially during those hard days. Great read!

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  18. Great post and such a beautiful family!

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  19. Parenting is a very tough job. Thanks for sharing a book that sounds really interesting!

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    1. Worth the read Ann, I would get it! Thanks for reading!

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  20. It sounds like you are a wonderful mother! If your children make the wrong decisions and fail, I know you'll be there to boost them back up onto the right path! I'll have to check out this book!

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    1. awe thanks Ashley! Definitely check it out! Thanks for reading!

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  21. Great reminder. With summer almost over and school about to begin I have been feeling a little stretched with patience. I needed a good reminder for being kinder to my kids.

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  22. Your kids looks so very happy! You are doing a great job! I tell my son that I love him everyday.

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    1. Oh thank you! And thx for reading:)

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  23. This is a great topic and this book sounds like it would help a lot of parents. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thank you and yes definitely worth getting!

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  24. I love this! Your girls are soo cute too.

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    1. Awe thank you, and thanks for reading!

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  25. Your daughters are adorable.. I am going to gift this book to my sister... she really needs to calm down with her kids

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    1. It is a great book worth reading! And thank you:)

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  26. Brit you always amaze me. You have such a way with words! And your love and compassion in the way you parent never ceases to amaze me! I am so blessed to call you my long time friend. Who would've thought all these years later we would reunite in a different world. The special needs world. LY

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    1. Thanks so much Bri! I love you and can't wait to learn from your experiences as a special mommy!

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  27. Your kids look so adorable. I am going to get a copy of that book :).

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